Another Milestone Yesterday....

Matt had a birthday and all went well. He is wearing his (slightly older than last week) age very well.

Of course he would.

I think Matt's one of those "old souls" that people talk about.

Matt takes on life like someone who's been through it once already.

Matt's got a "knowing."

He knows things about things. He is (as we all know) capable of building, fixing, creatin' anything...

But, to my surprise -- and absolute delight -- he also has a "knowing" about ....me.

Things come up ALL the time that make me question, make me nervous, worried, anxious.

I TALK TO MATT. (Of course, I pray about things ..but, thank God, I can talk to Matt.)

Matt has put so many things into perspective for me. I love his perspective ...his "knowing." It's positive. It's comfortable. It's easy on me. It has calmed me down on many-a-hair-raising-occasion.

Is that what makes someone an old soul?

At the same time he stays very ...oh, I hate to be so cliche but... "young at heart." He, himself, says he has Peter Pan Syndrome. -- Well if you have to be sick with something...

So Matt had a birthday yesterday and the 3 women in his life celebrated having him in ours.

I love you Matt. .....Happy Birthday.

Open mouth, insert .....

Remember Bambi?



Cute little Thumper holdin' onto his foot or his ear... saying in his super cute little Thumper voice "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."



I repeat that many times to my girls while they toddle around. Hoping to instill in them to always be positive and if you can't say something nice about a person -- keep your mouth shut!

Again, the sound of the needle being dragged across the record....

I thought I was in the clear. I thought this agent was gone for good. I thought I was right when I said what I said about her anyway.

I came into the office this morning and "this agent" was putting for-sale signs in her trunk.

"So your back?" I ask.

"For the summer!" she answered.

Ugh! Here's a thought Deb.... take your own advice.

The RealEstate business is unique in that we work cooperatively with our competition ALL THE TIME (I hope, I hope, say a prayer...)

We all know that it is very important to watch what we say.

Always be positive and don't say anything about someone that you wouldn't say to their face (my husband's motto.)

Oh! But isn't it awful when we have to be reminded?

BINGO!

I read Harriet the Spy when I was younger. Loved it! Made me want to become a journalist.. until Linda Ellerbee's book screwed me up.. Anyway, I found a copy at an American Cancer Society book sale for 2 bucks and was just tickled! Now I will be reading that to Erin soon.

I bring this up because there is a house I want in town here. I have mentioned it to Matt. He knows where it is. There are actually 2 houses near one another in town. One sits on (not kidding) 17 ACRES(!) the other 2 acres. Well, a wonderful little old motorcylce shop owner owns the larger of the two properties and has in mind a golden egg in the form of a sale price... so forget him. But, my little 2 acre house... hmmmm.... (enter Harriet.)

My Harriet no longer sits in window sills or climbs on roof tops to gather her information. Today she simply hit a few keys on the laptop and POOF! I now know all I need to know about the rather young owner of my coveted house. (Kinda scary huh?) Truely, I know more than she probably expected a stranger to be able to find out. I know she doesn't always stay there, I know it's extremely close to family members, I know where she is now, I know she has just bought a passport, I know she keeps high dollar items onsite while she is out of town... Don't you think that's too much information for me to know? I agree. None-the-less, she sounds like a terrific gal (with a maybe too carefree attitude about what she puts online) -- and one other thing I know...

She wants to live in PA! No kidding! Well, maybe she'll want to sell? I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, PLEASE watch what you post online. Geesh!

American Living brown cable-knit socks from JCPenneys didn't even last through one season. Very pricey .. no quality.

Phew!

Maybe I'll go into more detail about this at another time... Maybe I won't ever feel the need....

'Stuck (only on a certain level) for the last 11 years worrying about bad decisions I'd made. 'Feeling very self concious for the last 11 years -- even worrying I might run into certain someones in town ...or afraid I could never hold a political office. ...Totally took this waaaay too far in my mind -- but that's what I do. I exaggerate, I turn things into a bigger deal than they need to be.

Finally over it.

How strange the way it happened too. I ran into THE person that I was so intimidated by. I have run into this person before and always walked away feeling horrible or heavy hearted or embarrassed or sub par or stupid. Always worried about seeing this person and having my day ruined. 'Would ruin several good days by just worrying. Doesn't this sound ridiculously terrible? Well...

Anyway, half expecting to run into this person at a local grocery. I rushed toward the checkout carrying my daughter's pull-ups and BOOM! There! But this time something easy came over me. I was feeling pretty happy and I guess didn't want that to change. I think maybe my confidance level was higher than usual. Whatever it was. The encounter ...was fine. Words exchanged, there was a smile. Not a crazy 'deer in the headlights' look. Relief. Hmmm...no need to worry.

Can you believe this ("non") event has changed my life??

Crazy -- but true.

I have one less thing to worry about now. And trust me, it was about time!

Hey Paul... Hey Vicki! xoxo

Things are good... I'm good... But every-once-in-a-while the proverbial fly gets in the ointment... we (I) vent for just a moment and then ask Matt to get the fly swatter -- because I don't like to squash bugs....

(eh-hem) Appraisors.

I'm just pausing for a moment while the tremors stop.

'Having trouble with an appraisal on a rather stale property I'm trying to sell. Finally get a low-ball offer on it accepted and the appraisor comes back even $10k lower. ????

Even the buyer was blown away as he told me this afternoon that he already felt like he was taking advantage of the seller with his ridiculously low price. Now the seller will have to reduce even farther???

And get this: I was actually given the heads up that this particular appraisor was "conservative" (AKA BLIND -- my opinion) before he even went out and looked at the place. So we (I mean the sellers) were already at a disadvantage coming in and there wasn't a darn thing we could do about it.

See how relative everything involved in this sale actually is?

Price, condition, location -- all relative. Appraisors opinion -- relative. The only thing that is more or less "factual" is the buyers ability to get the loan. And then it has only become a more "factual" process of late.

And as a side note -- why they get a copy of the purchase agreement is beyond me. The lender can't talk to the appraisor -- not even order the appraisal unless via a third party sometimes. YET!! The appraisor gets the pa and right there on the 1st page is the price, the earnest money, the loan type, amount financed, interest rate, points, term, and concessions. WHAT MORE COULD THE LENDER TELL THEM?????

When Bert gets back from vacation (on Monday, I hope) I'm going to park it in his office and seriously discuss talking to the state legislature about this one! I can't be the only person who wants to do this... I bet I could get a mob together.. A mob as opposed to a petition because I am under the persuasion that one should never sign a petition.

***

This isn't the first time I've been screwed up by an appraisal but it is, so far, the worst....


***

Now.

I have learned over my short years in this business not to get too hot too soon. Things have a way of working out and I am confidant they will. BUT GEESH AM I FRUSTRATED AT THE MOMENT!

(And it is very hard for a frustrated girl like me to stay out of the refrigerator!!!!)

all in good fun... oops!

When Erin was 4 years old. I wanted her to wear a green outfit and she wouldn't do it. I tried everything to get it on her and no luck.


Eventually an idea took hold of me that I thought was GENIOUS!


I got on my cell phone, dialed our home number, asked for Erin and pretended to be....


Ariel ...because she wears green!


Well, it worked. Erin donned the green attire and we all lived happily ever after.



Now ------ Hear the screaching brakes? The record being yanked off the player? Me crying out nooooooooooooooo!



Our story has come to -- a twist.


Erin has asked me several times about the magical day that Ariel called ... "Mom, was that really Ariel that called me that day?"


And of course I say "Yes!"


Well, turns out she tells people at school about this story and they call her a liar. Now what do I do with the poor little thing and her poor little feelings?



This leads me into another part of the twist in our story..

Over the weekend Erin was trying to explain to Gina that God lives in Heaven (the sky) and also in her heart. (Gina was totally under the opinion that God lives in her stomach and spends his time scavenging for food. Really!)


Well anyway, while Erin was explaining the omnipresence of God to Gina she said "it's like a made up story."



What the?


Of course, I tell Erin it is not a made up story. Then I think of him. Know who I mean? The big guy in the red suit. Then there was the tooth fairy that just came to her bedside a couple of weeks ago. And straight ahead... we have the giant bunny that breaks in and delivers hard boiled eggs.



What have I done????? What have we done Matt?



(Insert the word "Crap!" here because I use that word alot.)



The easter bunny's on his way.


This is only the first of many tooth fairy visits.


Santa's already working on this years naughty or nice list.


...And heaven forbid she doesn't want to wear green on St. Patrick's Day...(because I have a way to fix that!)



...Now I am understanding why some people don't go down this road with their kids.



I don't want to go back and tell her I lied about all that stuff!!!



So...Here's the fix:

(Why was I worried? It's an easy one!)

Erin and Gina have heard and will hear many times over The Greatest Story Ever Told. And they'll know it's not a made up story because it will become their story.


Day-in-and-day-out we will use our faith ....to get along, grow together, work, pay bills, feed ourselves, love each other, forgive each other, encourage one another, wake them up, tuck them in.


And they will be confident that we didn't make this story up ...even on that fatefull day that they finally realize there's no such thing as......

Stuffed myself tonight!

Why can't I resist free food? I have a problem with free food. I can be such a good little weight watcher until someone hands me something for the all-too-irresistable price of ZILCH...and then I grab it and inhale it.

Tonight's show was at the Holiday Inn. A cheesy little free meal to intice myself and another member of the pto to use Club Choice foods for our fall fundraiser. They started poppin' frozen pizzas out of the portable toaster oven and I thought I hit the jackpot.

Uuuuugggghhhh!

~~~~

'Shopped at the Mall with G today. She is such a little trooper and a really fun kid to have around. She kisses me. She grabs my hand. She talks about clothes. ...This was after she joined me for our weekly weight watcher meeting. I love that girl and all the time we are able to spend together.

It used to be E that I ran around with everyday.

I must not overlook all the "firsts" that E and I will still enjoy together. She's getting bigger but she still needs me to come along and part the waters with her.

I am really happy to grab her hand and jump on the ride!

Church Stuff ...(disclaimer)

It's been a few days... I have started many posts and then shelved them... because I am too self-conscious about what I write these days.

Grrrrr....

I really hate that ....and speaking of self-conscious ...been dealing with that all over the place..

'Been reading this book called Bad Girls of the Bible. (E gets a kick out of the title.) The latest chapter iss about the couple in Acts that sold some property but only gave the church so much of the profit. The contribution didn't honor God and they were ....killed on the spot.

At the same time I follow this blog by one of our pastors at MCC and he has recently asked 'do you tithe simply for the honor it gives God or do you tithe because you want to be blessed? '

Ok, so I've given this some thought and I'm comfortable with things......

....But! When church was wrapping up yesterday and the music was starting and the congregation was being encouraged to worship I realized -- and became shamefully aware of -- an old feeling that I have also become comfortable with ...but in a bad way.

For what ever reason... when I am standing, sitting in church -- in worship mode -- I feel watched.

I am worshiping while being aware that someone may be watching me. And I worship with that in the back of my mind. Do I do what I'm supposed to do incase I am being watched? It is not the main thrust of my worship -- but is it a ....factor? Would factor be the right word?

Anyway, I was startled when I realized that my worship and reasons for it... and my tithe and reasons for it... ought to be the same. Of course! Duh! I knew this already --

...but then I thought --

....Could the punishment have been the same if the story of this couple in Acts was about worship? There have been many cases in the Old Testament where worship was conducted NOT according to Gods laws -- and last tiny details -- and the punishment was death.

I know I have grace to save me from a punishment of death...but I am going to try to GET OVER MYSELF and ignore this constant self-consciousness or "what do people think of what I do" stuff.

And so, in addition, I am going to try to post more here and not shelve what I write because I am worried about what you may think.

Of course time and schedules also make it a struggle... but I'm gonna do my best!

I am waiting for Matt to shower and dress ..then we are going out to dinner.



I miss Erin and I want to kiss Gina's little nose so bad!

I am waiting for him here at my desk. Checking emails, looking at facebook, watching the nightly news, and comparing little boys and girls in this horrible Haiti footage to MY two little girls ...who are at this moment playing with Grandma and Grandpa -- probably Old Maid.

Giggling, no dust in their hair, socks on their footsies, a knowing that Mommy and Daddy will come get them soon, cute pajamas, full bellies, snacks within arms reach... I am so happy for those two. I am so sad for these others.

God, hold on to these little kids. Give them strength, comfort. Don't let their joy be doused forever. And thank you for my two kids.

Distracted

I want some salty/greasy food, and strawberry jelly, coffee, seconds all around. Then I want a burger with cheese and mustard and ketchup...french fries with ranch dressing and fizzy drinks. Later a pizza...a really thick deep dish with hot tomato sauce oozing all over the place under really yummy cheese layer.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Follow all that up with some icecream, medley of sauces, whip cream, and a banana sliced in two propped up in a really huge bowl. And if you leave off the cherry I'm really gonna be P.Oed!

Sap! Lot's of Sap!

Well, I see I still have no followers....

So, we threw a successful Christmas party for the teachers today. Real Italtian Real fast (as they say) cheesecakes, and an adorable take home gift bag (filled with 10 hershey kisses) for everyone! They loved it. They are quite fond of the PTO this year...bribing them with lunches and expensive coffee pots will pay off!

After that I was privvy to a very special Christmas treat, a classic for all time...a 5th grade production of A Christmas Carol. It was incredibly charming. The lights were turned down in the cafeteria. Really cozy feeling watching this sweet play about such an old, inspiring -- one for the ages type -- story.

Hmmm this year there is a certain "strand" of thought that keeps wrapping itself around my mind. As I decorate the tree, get in the cabinets to make some recipe, sit down to write Christmas cards to the "ole list," attend the kids' Christmas programs I am reminded of when I did this same thing last year.

Our ornaments have morphed from balls and figures.. into "the one Erin likes", or "the one we got when Gina was born." The recipes are recalled as the one I made at Gina's first birthday party or something Erin helped me make last year.

I have finally got that sense that Mom's get. I have finally come to that place where an actual gift for me is just gravy...

(What the! Who the! What the!) No really...

These ornaments that the kids touch and twirl are finally worth way more than their weight in gold. I fianlly have that VCR in my mind that can replay a moment in time when I look at a Christmas card or hear a Christmas song.....

Layers and layers of Christmas memories make me very happy.

.....it is such a Wonderful Life.

What is this?? A sequel???

I'm over it now..but....

I had another dream ...another disturbing dream ...

Matt told me I don't do any work around the house...specifically we talked about "the dishes."

He also told me I was FAT!

...in my dream...

The guy knows never to tell me I'm fat to my face. For one thing, I'm not.

The man works hard and comes home at the end of the day to a sometimes hoppin' ..homework here...playdoh there..kind of house. I'm usually somewhere near the kitchen....cooking dinner, doing dishes. For all he knows I just got there. How does he know I haven't been watching tv all day?

Well, all he really has to do is look around...the kids are happy, bigger than they were when he left that morning, usually running to him for a hug. The house is standing beautifully where he left it, the lights are on....hmm, who paid that bill? There's usually a smell of something cooking. And...my cell phone is ringing. During all this.... people are buying houses...getting answers...getting helped -- SUCCESSFULLY!

I suppose all this could be happening because the house runs on auto pilot...but (clear throat) allow me to squelch that little rumor right here, right now! MY HOUSE DOES NOT RUN ON AUTO PILOT. And although I have a very helpful husband whom I can depend on to do a lot of work around here...The "day to day" -- that's MY job...and I GET IT DONE!

...And from this moment on I will forever consider myself VERY GOOD AT WHAT I DO! No more bad dreams about this subject.. no more insecurity about this subject. It is settled..it is proven... I should be getting a raise on my next review, don'tcha think?

Eeewww...Hmmm...I'm not doing too good today on the old reliability scale...

Started this morning as I leaned against the door frame between the kitchen and the bathroom. My husband was shaving and I was anxious to tell him my latest opinion on the political situation of the day...

"Bladda, bladda, bladda, ...and that's a local senate race in New York so .....bladda, bladda, bladda..."

Turns out that is a federal race. (BUT, we all know that all politics is local soo.....)

OK. Now we are out of the house and over at the Meadows. The Meadows is awesome this time of year. Appropriate sized trees growing out of appropriate sized pieces of sod in a very nicely kept parking lot provide the appropriate amount of fall. The nip in the air causes your brain to play tricks on you and makes you think you can see -- or maybe just makes you sense -- the on coming gigantic holiday candy canes that will soon be up. The morning is perfect for coffee and chit chat. And I am about to walk into my Weight Watcher meeting for chit chat if nothing else. I am going to my happy place.

And I am soooo proud to say that I have not paid for a weight watcher meeting in a VVVVEEERRRYYY long time! I am a (drum roll....) Life Timer! So, I walk in and say good morning as if I am a member from way back. Everyone is being extra friendly this morning. As I trade more "hellos" my eyes feel sparkly, me teeth seem whiter, my cheeks (in my mind) couldn't be a prettier shade of rosy -- and I feel as though everyone I meet looks the same.

Then I sit down. Today the leader looks at me inclusively more often. No one seems to mind Gina's little chatter -- I am thinking they all are enjoying it. And then the topic is brought up "Weight Watcher GPS."

"Do any of you have a GPS?"

A few raise their hands. I do not (because I don't have one.)

The conversation goes on about what we would ask the GPS if we had one. How it would keep us on track.... I all of a sudden have a gem of a statement to add to this conversation. So, I raise my hand, catch the eye of the leader (which I feel like I am becoming very privvy to.) And then I say...with my finger waving in the air.. "A GPS will take you to your destination ...but it will not take you on the scenic route..."

"Oh yes it will!" Many of the class members say.

"Oh, it does?" I say. "I guess I don't have a very good one..."

Should have learned my lesson there but instead later in the meeting a woman asked what to do for dinner when you've already eaten all your points for the day by lunch. The leader started to talk but I (like a steamroller) felt I had a good idea...

"On those days, I go to Baesler's for SUSHI!"

The leader raises an eyeball at me with those eyes I was sooo happy to see so much of the morning.

"It's two points for six.." I say as I begin to slouch in my seat. (Where's Gina and why isn't she standing directly in front of me right now?)

"You should probably re-check that." Said the leader.

"I am just not doing well today." I grumbled as I slid further down towards the floor.

So,

to surmise.

I have actually been working on NOT doing too much unneccesary talking of late. And I HAVE been doing better.

Today was a bit of a set back.

:(
Debbie

I'm (zzzzz) -- sob*sniff -- fine!

Today last week has caught up with me -- but in the wierdest of ways.

I'm tired.

My eyes feel very soar and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror...it's a crazy attempt at looking like me. The make-up didn't get put on right this morning or maybe my color is just off today. The hair is not performing so much as making a presence. Sort of a "just be glad you have hair" day. Even my clothes seem exhausted as they are just stuck on my body, pieces of material here and there that have no real shape or attractive quality. Mainly they are here because I grabbed them out of the closet this morning -- silently asked them to help me out -- and they are here in name only. I am meerly wearing a "sweater" today ..not a "nice sweater." It's all they can offer. I TOTALLY understand.

Then there's Gina. She throws a little fit. I should put her in a time out ..but instead I have this crazy giddy feeling that comes over me and I want to laugh, cry with her, give her whatever she wants because she's so beautiful...so sweet...so perfect...SNAP OUT OF IT! She's being a stinker and I'm just not operating on all cylinders.

I was reading the Bible today. Hosea. I have never read Hosea only heard other people talk about it. I have never read the whole Bible -- only taken other peoples word for what was actually in it. Now I am reading it and I am excited about actually reading the books that I have heard other people explain in their own words before. Now I can read it, know it, put it in my own words. Well....I was getting a little emotional. I was so happy to have the Bible to read. That doesn't sound crazy does it?

But then there's this... Once I realized what was happening next... I realized that I am just TIRED!

I was watching Everyday Italtian with Gieda... can't remember her last name right now. She was making a cake out of a cake mix. I had never seen her use a cake mix before. Her kitchen was so beautiful and I felt myself getting choked up. I was so happy to have the chance to see her.. I was thinking how much I really did love her.. I felt bad about finding some of her gestures and mouth noises annoying ..and then I realized... Oh for crying out loud! I'm exhausted! That's what's going on here!!!

I hope to get some rest... An uninterupted nap, a complete night's sleep, time to lean against the kitchen counter and just turn my brain off for 3 whole minutes. Whatever! Just as long as it's rest!

Zzzzzzzzz

Debbie